oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
