well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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