chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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