I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
