So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
