Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
