i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
