last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
