brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
