I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
