It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
