I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
