I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my poor anus
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
