Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
