I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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