I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
