hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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