Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
