do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
