i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He has the fingertips of a God
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
