I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
