hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
