I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
