i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
