I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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