one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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