i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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