Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
