It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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