i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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