i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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