WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
