My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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