so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
