I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
