I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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