You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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