just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
