its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
