i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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