New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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