I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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