Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
