I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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