i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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