You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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