So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
