Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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