is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
