Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
