Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
