That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
