I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
His nipple licking is glorious
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